Archive for the ‘Self Discovery’ category

Get your timing right

February 22nd, 2010

Here’s an idea that’s very easy , very potent and yet often forgotten : Choose the right time , the right time for everything , isn’t there ? So too if you want to have it your way !

It won’t help your influencing if those you wish to influence are tired , stressed . getting ready to go out or watching the latest episode of The Simpsons . You need to pick the right time for the targets of your influencing , not just a time that suits you . That’s it . It’s as simple as that . Admit it , though you’d not really given it much thought , had you ?

But – and it’s a big BUT -’ now ‘ is probably not the best time : you are not going to get the result you wanted . You are going to get a very upset old lady and look horrible bully . If you shout at the head teacher , it will only backfire on your son . As for sacking the builder , that’d be crazy . At least he turns up , works to budget and is polite , you want a clear drive , too ?

REMEMBER too that if it’s not the best time for that somebody else then they will probably not be listening to you . And if they aren’t listeniong , you are not going to influence , you can’t get what you want . Here are some classic bad times to avoid :

Too soon : ‘ Hang on , I haven’t even got my coat off yet ! ‘

Too late : ‘ Look , can we talk about this tomorrow ? I really need to get off home like NOW . ‘

When they are too distracted : ‘ Okay , but i’ve got a lot on at the moment . Couldn’t we do this another time , maybe ?

When they are on the way to a meeting : ‘ I can give you one minute !

When neither of you has had time to reflect : ‘ I can’t believe you just said that !

At the end of the day : ‘ Look ,i’ve had a tough day with an evil boss and idiot clients , and my laptop’s stopped working . I am really not going to listen to you table-thumping about how we should be recycling more .

When you are too emotional : ‘ Where the bl**dy hell have you been ?

When they do not have enough time to respond : ‘ Hang on . I’ve got a presentation to give in 45 minutes .

When it simply isn’t fair : ‘ Look , i’ve just been made redundant myself . Can’t we talk about this tomorrow ?

The aim should always be to find a time when the other person will be receptive and have a bit of time to reflect and discuss . Given the pace of life today , that’s going to be difficult but , if you can’t find the right time , the danger is that your whole argument will probably be ignored .

4 ways to make a friendship last

December 3rd, 2009

1. Self-disclosure: Keep your friends up to date with what’s going on in your life. That includes feelings, too.
2. Supportiveness: Be a good listener. Also, offer your support and advice when it’s needed.
3. Interaction: Make time for each other. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do it together.
4. Positivity: The self-disclosure point doesn’t give you a licence to whinge non-stop. Good friendships are based on positive intimacy.

“To the world "You may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

“To the world "You may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

Transform your relationship

January 16th, 2009

I feel like Dr Phil or more like Dr Love when I discuss this kind of topic. These are three easy changes that will make a good relationship GREAT!

  • Talk yourself up

communicate more so that both parties talk the same language

communicate more so that both parties talk the same language

Relationships flourish when we are happy in ourselves. Whether it’s catching up new movie in cinema or cooking a fabulous dinner, do things that will give yourself  as well as your relationship a boost.

  • Say thank you

thank-you-for-being-my-lovelgsimplythankyou

He may not buy you flowers ( well, my hubby said they were such a waste… ouch! )  but did you notice the cup of tea he just made you? Small acts of thoughtfulness speak louder than grand gestures. Look out for them and tell him how much they mean to you. It doesn’t hurt your ego or cost you a penny to say thank you!

  • Listen up

When your partner comes to you with a problem, take a moment to consider what he needs from you. Is it empathy, a solution or just a different perspective? Respond in a way that will work for him.

r9595lend-me-your-ear-posters

  • Go it alone

Wanting to learn something  without him doesn’t mean your relationships is in trouble. Research shows the more supportive our partner, the more independent we are. Take my husband for example. I get through fight against obesity and unhappiness because of him. He’s always there even during the time my weight bounce back. Thanks hun!

  • Get connected

get-connected

Connect with someone emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. Do not disregard one and expect a relationship to work.

  • Stop looking for ‘ perfect ‘

Expect difficulties and always open your mind to find ways to overcome them. Running away when your relationship is in trouble is totally uncool!  Trust me, if you keep running away every time problems sets in… you are not allowing the relationship to reach a place with any depth.

Does this ring the bell? Anyone?

Does this ring the bell? Anyone?

  • Stop nit – picking

LOL!

LOL!

Try to minimize on nit – picking or finding fault in each others. I changed from being a bitch who always nag and wanting my hubby to be so called ‘ Mr. Perfect ‘ ( and vice versa ) . Those acts create tensions between us. You are not your partner. Communication is important. You need someone who can deal with you when you throw wobbly and to comfort you when you’re upset.

Good luck!