Do you hear wedding bells and think about walking down the aisle? Well, before you say “ I do”, it’s best to find out if you are truly ready for marriage. Getting married is a beautiful thing but it does take a certain maturity in a relationship to handle the concerns that come with that amazing diamond ring. It really does take two to tango so it’s best to find out if you and your partner are truly ready to commit.
Be brutally honest and evaluate the reasons behind your engagement. I f you need to, write list of pros and cons about your partner and your relationship. If you find yourself having to rationalize that you are doing the “right “ thing by marrying your partner , then you should re-evaluate your relationship. And if you have to talk to your fiancé into marriage then it’s not a good sign either. Ask yourself why are you taking the big step – is it out of convenience? Or you simply think it’s time since most of your friends are either married or about to? Make sure you are getting married for the right reasons and if you look forward to spending the rest of your life with your partner, then you guys are all set! But, if that thought makes you feel slightly nauseous or anxious, it’s time to take a closer look at your relationship.
Sometimes bygones are not bygones. History plays a large role in forming future behaviours and expectations so if you are walking down the aisle promising to spend “sickness and in health for as long as you both shall live” , it’s essential for you to find out about his relevant past relationships. The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior so learn from it.
Take note on how your partner handles disagreements or issues during past relationships and you will have an idea on how he will be with you in the future. But, you ought to realize all this before getting engaged as you two should have spent a large amount of time getting to know each other. It’s also a good idea to find out what your partner has learnt about marriage from his or her parents. Dating and getting married are two different stages in a relationships, and that change can shape expectations so it’s best not to assume anything. A good idea is to look closely at your partner ‘s parent – children learn what they live. Even mundane things like sharing housework could be a great source of distress if expectations are not correctly dealt with!
Do you want a wedding or a marriage?
It’s so easy to get carried away with the whole beautiful ceremony and wedding preparation. Cake, flowers, and fine china are all exciting, but there’s more at stake than that one day. It’s all too easy to get caught on choosing the perfect gown, doing your hair and having that lovely outdoor wedding you have always dreamed of. However, it pays to take a step back to realize that your wedding is a day but your marriage is a lifetime. You don’t just want to be married, you want to be happily married. Think about the next 50 years. Put at least the same amount of time and effort that you are using to plan your wedding into planning your marriage. There are lots going on after the “big day ” . Have a sit down with your partner and develop an emotional prenuptial agrrement outlining how you’ll handle children, discipline, money, housework, religion, careers, in-lows, geography, and other less romantic but necessary areas of your life. If you don’t plan for and discuss these topics you won’t be able to successfully merge two lives together. Remember, you two are literally going to be sharing lives, and it’s no easy feat having to combine two individual’s lifestyles into one.
Weighing your relationship
Look at what your relationship will cost you, and we are not talking about your financial cost here. We are talking about what your marriage will cost you in terms of your life overall. If you have to give up your friends, career or family, fro example, the cost is too high. If it all falls apart, are you going to be emotionally bankrupt? It is better to be healthyy to give up all jparts of your life for one person. If your partner truly loves youhe wouldn’t want you to do that either. However, there are always expectations and there are always exceptions and there are no rights and wrongs to this equation but it’s safe to say that if your beloved wants you to give up everything that makes who you are as individual, you are in for a rough ride. It’s time to re-evaluate the relationship if that happens because marriage and relationship are a lot abour compromise when it comes to giving….
You have to know what you want because you can’t determine if somebody is good for you. If you don’t know your own needs. So, be clear about your wants and expectations and remember it’s not selfish to have goal s within a relationships. Express your needs and expectations now… not when you are already in the marriage. You and your partner should communicate honestly about each other’s wants and expectations. For example, what are your absolute deal breakers? You will be amazed how talking about your needs and expectations can help you both put relationship and future marriage in perspective.
Are you ready to get married?
Take out quick quiz and find out!
- Are you both independant financially and emotionally?
- Are you getting married for the right reasons?
- Do you look forward to your life together?
- Do you believe whole-heartedly he or she is the one?
- Do you two communicate well?
If you answer ” yes” to three out of that five questions, then start planning that wedding! But if you answer ” no” to more than three of the questions, you might want to ask yourself if you really want to get married at all.